Memo To:

To the alarm and its owner
Your alarm started to go off at 8:00 pm Sunday night. By 1:00 am, I was growing weary of the insensate ringing. By 4:00 am I was thinking about calling in sick as I really hadn't slept all night. By 5:10, I was in the shower determined to not let the alarm take away a day of pay. By 5:30, someone else seemed to have been mad enough to draw their weapon. It seems they missed with their random gunshot, as you were still going off when I left for work at 5:45. If you are making even one peep today when I get home, I'm calling the cops. Fucker.

To my new manager:
You start a brand new job today. I hope you like it here. Now that you are here I have 4 managers/supervisors. If I can make one suggestion, we (my department) like it when new people say hello to us it will win you brownie points. Perhaps you could also teach bozo how to be a proper supervisor. Please don't be a bitch with an agenda. Many people in your new department have worked here 20 years or more, use them as a resource instead of a threat.