Tuesday, February 28, 2006


I just got a call from my friend that I'm getting an extra $1. an hour.

I hate that all I do is bitch about my job. I don't even hate it really.

work, again

I started training for yesterday for the other job.

Today I asked the manager/acting director if she would consider me for the job, it should be posted tomorrow or the next day. She said that I should submit my resume and transfer request. She then said that she will not make an offer to me as it is too important of a job for her to just give it to me. It is possible that they may hire a director for the job, and that person may not want me for the job. They will be doing interviews.

And if it isn't me, and they start before 5/5, I get to train them.

So I'm good enough when the NEED me, but not good enough long term?

Whatever. Maybe I don't even want the stupid job, especially not for the lousy 3% they want to give me in the meantime. Of course that 3% won't take effect until sometime in March.

In other words, fuck me.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Yay and Boo

Yay: I got a new job.
Boo: I got a new job.

On Wednesday my manager and I sat down to again discuss the workings of the redesign of my job, out in the field working with the physicians. It was pretty much the same conversation that we’ve been having for 3 months.

She has not followed through on the things she said she would in order for us to move forward, officially. In order to change my title or to create a new position it has to be signed off on by the top level executives. In order to create a new position you have to write a job description. I found a similar job online and printed out their description and gave it to her. I doubt that there will be progress in the near future. I figure that I’m not a priority because well I’m just not.

So I decided that I need to take action in changing my job regardless of the title and financial incentive. I’m board and I need a change, or I’ll end up leaving and fucking myself out of the match on the retirement plan. Only 2 years, 2 weeks and 2 days that I MUST work at the hospital.

On Thursday I made appointments at MD offices every day next week; some 2 offices in a day. I have a little packet I present to the staff, and my speech all planned. I’m confident I will help to deliver a positive consistent message and build good relationships with the physicians. Ideally this move would lead me into a bigger and brighter future.

Fast forward to today. My faux supervisor FINALLY got her official offer from the government. She got the offer phone call the first week of December. She was all hush-hush only really telling her manager and the secretary; because who knew when they would call her up for the job. She couldn’t give any notice and of course because things could fall through. The secretary and I have break together everyday and chit chat throughout the day. So of course I know all of this job information when the Faux Sup came and asked if I have some time to meet with her and the 2 managers; hers and mine.

Faux is going to be leaving her job next Friday. Would I be interested in taking her position? Here is the catch, she is not going to quit. She can’t afford to just work for the government; her expenses are too high. So her plan is to train me on 1 aspect of her job and take a leave of absence for 3 months. Return, train me on the rest of her job, which for some reason can sit untouched for 3 months??? She then will work part time doing something else? Or so she hopes.
I guess I’ll have to come in on the weekends and work late into the night for this training in 3 months? It’s not quite clear. I don’t think it will work out in to her benefit, I don’t think they’ll let her hold the position hostage and micro manage me from afar.

So when presented with all this information I told them that as you all know I’ve been doing 2 fulltime jobs for a number of months. I do all the customer service and I do all of the billing. We have not had 2 days in a row where the department was staffed with a person, other than me to answer the phones. And I’m not willing to take on more responsibility unless I am justly compensated. I said I am a grade 8, her job is a grade 11. They indicated that I would get only a 6% raise. The difference between our pay is $8 an hour, not even close to 6% more. I would get a 6% raise regardless next month when I get my annual raise.

I also mentioned that I was really excited about changing the direction in my job and I have appointments booked all next week. I am concerned with the job stability, what if she hates the gov. and comes back and takes her job? I then go back to my job and my rate of pay? And possibly miss the opportunity for the role out in the field?

I guess it will all work out in the end. I need to change my focus. I start training Monday for her job. As for my job, it is unclear. Maybe I’ll still have to do both.

Yay? Boo? It’s a little of both.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

co-worker update

My co-worker, the one with cancer, died this weekend.

Women: Remember to always always always get your annual pap smear, and tell your doctor if you have any changes in your medical history. The few minutes of inconvenience are worth a lifetime, especially when it comes to early detection of ovarian cancer.

Quest for the Cup

I love coffee. Each day I fill the bottom inch or so of my coffee cup with half and half. I then carry the cup to work and fill up on the coffee from the break room. We happen to have fantastic coffee that I love with all my heart. I miss it on the weekends and savor each drink Monday-Friday.

I had a beautiful brushed metal cup that I received from an old employer. The cup was embossed with the logo of the said employer; which scratched off nicely the day after I quit while standing in line at the airport. I liked this cup because is kept the coffee hot and the lid pulled on and off so that you can position the mouth hole in the perfect spot, right handed or left. Due to the half and half obsession the plastic lid got a little stinky over time. The time has come for this cup to retire.

In my search for the perfect vessel, I did see some cups that use the exact same lid as my favorite cup. I briefly thought about just stealing the lid, but I decided a shoplifting charge wouldn’t be worth it in the end.

I did find a pretty pink, red and white fancy pants Migo cup at Target. It was clear and funky looking on the outside and the lid was only ok. It was a screw top, so no choosing the position of the mouth hole. I really liked the looks of the cup, probably because it was pink. The first problem was the size; it did not fit in the cup holder in the truck. Each morning I’d shove the cup in between my butt and the seatbelt hoping to not spill cream down my pants. The second problem was again with the size, the cup held too much coffee, and having no self control I’d fill it to the top and drink it down; ending up with a belly full of coffee and no room for say, lunch. The third problem was the inner thermal cup did not keep the coffee hot. I don’t like to drink cold coffee, unless I’m drinking iced coffee.

Cup number 3, success? I purchased a smaller metal cup at IKEA on Monday. Yesterday I filled up the inch at the bottom and was excited to drink toasty warm coffee as soon as I arrived at work. Unfortunately I left the cup on the table and had to settle for purchasing coffee from the coffee shop. Today I remembered to actually bring the cup down with me to the truck in the morning. The cup seemed great, it kept the coffee hot, it was not too big and the lid pops on and off, therefore allowing me to drink any which way I please.

As I said above I love the toasty goodness of coffee. But not when my mouth tastes like I’ve been sucking on a freaking nuts and bolts. The metal after taste is vile. Why would my beautiful new metal cup contaminate my coffee? I washed it. Why have I spend nearly $20 on coffee cups and they all hate me? I’ve eaten a dozen or so spearmint lifesavers to mask the metal taste in my mouth, yuck.

The quest continues….

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


I redecorated our living room this weekend. Here are the results. Please forgive the blurry photos, I'm not sure why they are so bad. But any picture I've taken doesn't really do it justice, they don't show the true colors.

The colors are khaki, birds nest and picnic basket. I like to call them normal names like khaki, sage green, and light brown. The light brown is the trim all around and the khaki is 2 walls and the green one wall.

at night

new light

light on

pretty prisms

blurry but you get the picture, right?

that little bit of wall next to the cello player is also khaki, but you can't really tell. Not really in the picture and not really with your eyeballs when you stand right in front of it. But I know it is different and now you do too.

It doesn't look like this in the dark, but it does in this picture.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Conservative God

I’m not a conservative. I do like to think of myself as open minded. But maybe I’m not?

I paged through a Ladies Home Journal today at lunch. I started to read an article about sex and marriage. The article stated that married people have the best sex and any sex outside of marriage is really either a waste of time or sinful. I’m not sure exactly which it is, maybe a sinful waste of time?

I do agree that soulful sex, as it was referenced, is great. But I have a real problem with the fact that the article inferred that any sex outside of marriage is wrong. The article mentioned different Bible verses and told me over and over that God wants me to be a healthy sexually active married woman.

Here is where my problem lies. I know some women who are in the late 30’s and unmarried. One in particular just turned 37. She is single. And honestly she isn’t the greatest example because she is a total bitch and has insane standards of who she will and won’t consider dating. Like he must have ALL his hair, he must not have ever been married or fathered any children, he must have a title after is name, he must love country line dancing and he must drive a new car.

So these unwed women are supposed to live chaste lives? Never ever enjoying the flesh of another until they are wed? Why just because I found a mate (who was willing to marry me) am I allowed to enjoy sex? How is that healthy? The article stated that God doesn't see sex as shamefull, but of course only if you are married. And don’t even get me started on those who are gay, their love doesn’t count, well really they don’t count as people, in the eyes of the Conservative God.

After reading the first page of the article I looked to see who wrote it, Rick Warren, Purpose Driven Life. I stopped reading.

I guess that I’m not open minded because I couldn’t get past the exclusions; the nuclear family is not the only way to go.

Monday, February 13, 2006

T-90 days

I have 90 days to get into shape.

I went to the gym for the first time in like forever. The last time I went to the gym was when I lived in New York City. Maybe I also went a time or two in Boston, but I haven't lived in either place for almost 10 years.

I did this fancy elipicle trainer for 15 minutes. I'm a tiny bit afraid of the gym. I need to work on my confidence.

Oh well at least I went. We've been paying for the membership for um 6 months....

Disrespect and professionalism

On Friday my supervisor spoke to me for the first time since he sent me the email previously blogged. He only spoke to me to give me yet another project that he is unable to complete.

I decided to take that opportunity and ask if he and I could speak for a few minutes about the email. He said that he thought that would be a good idea; but he has no time to talk today as he is too busy.

I sent an email to my Manager to indicate that I had requested a few minutes of his time and was denied.

Today, Monday, my manager called me into her office and said what is up with the email. I told her that I feel a lot of tension between him and me and that I had hoped that maybe having a conversation would help me feel better. The manager told me that she did not think it was a good idea to pursue the issue. She said that I would not get the results that I am hoping for. She said that he believes he is right, and no talking will change his position.

So basically I just get to sit at my desk and do my work. WORK WORK WORK.
Let my management shit all over me. Give me more work. Cover all the people who are absent. WORK WORK WORK. Don’t say no. Do not pass go, because honestly why should we give you more money when you already do the job? You should have thought about that before you did what we asked.

And if I tomorrow I'm counting how many times the Manger mentions that she is in management. YUCK.

Cross your fingers for the exectutive secretary job. It would be fun to work in Surgery. I could flirt with my favorite physicians, run when I see the bad ones and make more money.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006


I went to my first book club last night. We discussed The Time Traveler's Wife over Indian food and pomegranate martini creations. There were 15 of us, myself the newest member. The book club began one year ago this month. To honor the year of reading I helped Katrina make each of the girls book marks; which they all loved.

Many of my girlfriends read a ton. Molly hopes to read 200 books this year. My dad has read a book or two a week my whole life; really he is always reading.

I hope that my girlfriends can continue to inspire me to read beautiful words, and sometimes words that challenge me; both to finish and to think. And don't forget the US Weekly.

We went around the table, low to the ground all of us sitting on woven pillows, and named our favorite book of the last year. Since I just joined I named my favorite book club book, see above. And The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, you totally wouldn't think it from the 30 second commercials about the movie (which I also loved). The other reread book was a Wrinkle in Time. My books were all about relationships and travel.

The top 2 other books of the group were The Kite Runner, which is super fantastic and Norwegian Wood. The third place was Random Family. I have placed an order Norweigian Wood and Random Family on Amazon.

The next book club is Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. This book club has 2 rules, no hardcover and no books that someone just read. I like them already.

Monday, February 06, 2006


I don’t hate the dentist, really I don’t. My dentist is gentle and kind. He seems to show honest concern about the care he provides and the patient.

When I was a little girl and my sister and I would go to the dentist, she always needed work done. I always got away without too many issues. Even when I had my wisdom teeth removed, I was out at a party later that same night.

I’ve blogged about my problem tooth a couple of times; most recently the wonderful news that I do not need a root canal. All I need is just a simple crown, quick and easy.

I saw the dentist on Friday afternoon. When he was injecting me with the Novocain he touched the nerve. Suddenly it was like a bolt of lightening from my jaw through my lip. This particular dentist has touched this same nerve 3 different times, 2 different appointments. One of the benefits of touching the nerve with the nerve blocker is that the nerve goes to sleep almost instantly.

The major numbness wore off by Friday evening. Saturday I noticed that my lip was still numb and I had the occasional sensation of a shooting tingle up my chin into my lip. This lip weirdness continued into Sunday and was still numb and tingly today, 3 days later. And when I talk on the phone I need to use my left side, cause my ear gets all tingly when I press the phone against my head. I called the dentist this morning and explained my symptoms. He hopes that I have a bruised nerve, but he would like me to see an oral surgeon. I see him tomorrow.

I am vaguely familiar with trigeminal neuralgia; we have a good friend who suffered with the disorder. All I can say is if those with TN have that lightening bolt pain all the time, how do they live? It would put me over the edge.

From what I’ve read online (is there a better world for a hypochondriac?) the lip weirdness may last for 6 months then go away on its own.

I’m sure after a while I won’t even notice that my lip is numb, right?

Sunday, February 05, 2006


The concert was last night!

The Great Western Forum is located in Inglewood, CA. 24.7 miles from where we live. We left at 6:30, the concert began at 8. We were both excited to see Fiona Apple, the opener.

Well 2.5 hour later we were still in traffic, it took more than an hour to exit the freeway and drive 3 miles.

We missed the opener. We walked into the forum as the lights dimmed and sat in our seats as the first note played. It was a good show. But that 3 hour commute to get there was the deal breaker. No more shows at the forum. No thanks. I'd rather watch them on tv.

Chris Martin did thank us all for actually getting there, he too was late and stuck in that traffic.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

You are unprofessional and disrespectful

I started my day with an email from my superior stating that when I send him email the tone should be on a more professional and respectful level.

The email I sent was :
Is the computer working or not? Supervisor says no; Manager says yes.

2 rather simple sentences. It was a reply to a string of emails discussing the computer and if it works or not. I didn't think it was necessary to be super wordy in my question. And of course I used their names and not their titles.

I being the crybaby that I am burst into tears. Immediately after I wiped my tears I took my RESPECT award nomination certificate and taped it to the cubby door above my head. The rewards are a huge deal at my work; they take the values set forth by the nuns very seriously.

I stressed out about his statement to me all day. I questioned my email, reading it over and over. Was I rude? I showed it to my work friends and everyone said I need to go speak with the manager. I said that I was very hesitant, I don't really dig confrontation (thanks mom). I kept tearing up every time I'd read it; and get mad at myself that I'm letting his words bother me.

Towards the end of the day the manager called and asked if I could please come to her office. I grabbed my pen and pad of paper and dreadfully walked to her office. She asked me to close the door, bad sign. She then said You sent me and email about the computer? Yes, I did, and I got a reply back from the supervisor. She said well let me first say that I do not see what is offensive about your email. I've read it a number of times and I just don't get it. I need to apologize for his behavior. I do not understand what he thinks. He was totally out of line and I will speak to him tonight as soon as he arrives. She said a number of other things that made me feel much better. An especially tasty tidbit is hiring someone from his past who fired his ass.

We then discussed the new job more and some different aspects of how she sees things progressing. She'll go on the first 3-4 calls with the physicians and then I'm on my own.

She also asked me to help her revise (create) all the policy directories and training manuals. All on overtime! WHOOT, more $$$ for Alaska. I told her I was really excited about doing them and she said she knew I would be.

Earlier in the conversation I said that the supervisor sometimes makes me want to quit. She said to hang in there she has really good things planned for me and my future!