Jimmy 3-12-27 to 12-1-04

December 1, 2004 it was the day before the set up for my first big craft fair. It was a 3 day deal at the fairgrounds and I had a ton to do to get ready.

I need to purchase carpet and a few last minute items from home depot and various other things that a year later I can’t even remember. I went to the carpet store down the street from his house, they are always over priced and I continually get frustrated with their Arab style of customer service, especially when dealing with a woman. They quoted me $80 for a remnant 8x5, I declined and said I’d go elsewhere. As I drove out of the parking lot, 3 blocks from his house I thought about turning right and just popping in to say hello. I’m really not the stop by unannounced type of girl so I decided against it, and anyway I’d spend too much time with him and then not get done all that needed to be done. I turned left.

I drove knowing I could find a carpet store that wouldn’t charge so much for scraps, I did. I paid a perfect $10 for a 10x8 piece of crappy brown carpet. It was perfect. It must have been late morning by the time I got home, maybe even just a bit after noon.

There was a voice mail, it was from Pete, it was Jimmy. He is bad and he is going to the hospital. Please call him back right away. I called and told Pete that I just had too much to do today and I can help him out. I called Matt and told him Jimmy was going to the hospital, at some point in that conversation I decided to call Pete back and tell him I’d meet up with him. Jimmy was taken to Pacifica Hospital, not my choice of hospital, but you go where they take you. I left to pick Matt up from work and then drove the few more miles to the hospital. We ran into Pete in the parking lot, he was being Pete. Matt and I went over to the ER, Jimmy already had 2 people with him, but soon Brian came out and I went in. Jimmy was grey and pale and seemed to be in a tremendous amount of pain. He was hooked up to various machines and Denise was sitting on a stool holding his hand under the piles of blankets. He seemed so pleased to see me, I would have regretted forever had I not gone to be with my friend Jimmy when he needed me.

Jimmy and I met not too long after I moved here when I began working as a bartender at the Queen Mary. It was during a rather personally difficult time in my life, I was honestly a bit lost. We didn’t get to know each other until later; he had some medical issues and I ended up working his shifts until he recovered. He came back to work and he was the best bartender that I have ever worked with, he was fun, clean and didn’t waste time flirting with the customers. Not that one wants to flirt with a 60 year old man in a ball gown and wig pretending to be Sally for the night. Did I mention that the Queen Mary is a drag bar? We forged a friendship behind the bar, the difference in our age was never an issue, he was 70 I was in my late 20s and we could talk about anything. Our friendship grew and I began visiting with him for hours on end at his house.

I long for the afternoons with Jimmy or the whole days for that matter. He lived just a couple of miles away from me and always welcomed me with open arms. During my various unemployment stints, you could find me on the couch next to him, solving the issues of the world. He was my confidant when it came to Matt. He loved watching our relationship unfold and grow into what we are today. He would scold me and praise me and comfort me, and always had great advice.

Jimmy was the first place Matt and I would visit after returning from a trip to AZ to visit his dad. Matt’s dad use to winter in an old folk’s retirement trailer park, the old folks float away the day on a noodle in the over heated salt water pool, complaining about their aches and pains and looking at pictures of the grandkids. Jimmy was our dose of reality; old age can be hip and cool.

At the hospital, Denise and I were trying to comfort Jim. We were both scared; we were all scared for that matter. Jimmy couldn’t get warm. I found the linen closet and covered him with a few more blankets. I tried to hold his hand, but my hands were too cold. “Child your hands are like ice.” The words ‘Oh Jo it hurts so much’ ring in my ears today; him sitting up writhing in pain, asking for something to make it go away. Even with my limited clinical knowledge I knew that they couldn’t give him anything for the pain, but that didn’t stop me from asking the nurses to see what they can do for him. The physicians came in to discuss the situation with Jimmy, Denise and I. The doctor drew a diagram on the bed sheet, telling us that Jimmy had a bleed in his lower abdomen. He looked at Jimmy and asked why he didn’t have surgery when they told him he had this bleed. Jimmy spoke right back to the man and said he was never told anything. Even through the pain, he still joked and was the Jimmy we all loved. He said that he was ready for what ever will happen, we didn’t mention death, but we knew that was what he meant. He was at peace and he wasn’t scared, at least not scared of that. I’m sure that one is anxious when you are in a hospital bed no matter how “ready” you may be.

Selfishly, I’m glad they delayed the pain meds as long as they did I will never forget what we saw when they did finally give a morphine injection. Denise said it best; he went out on the high of his life. We left our numbers for the doctor to call us when he was out of surgery. I know that I left feeling that it was probably the end, but I don’t that any of us voiced our deep down feelings.

I got a phone call from the physician sometime after 5. Jimmy didn’t make it through the surgery. He had lost liters of blood and it was just too much for his body to handle. He was bleeding internally, probably for months. I called Pete and Denise. I knew that we needed to go over to Jimmy’s house. We were one of the first people to arrive that night. The longer we sat the more people came. Soon it was a room full of people, more people than places to sit. We talked about how long we knew our friend, how much he meant to us, how we had just been there the day before or the week prior and he seemed fine. Most of all we talked about how much we’d miss him. We sat around his living room a new community, and new beginning.

One of Jimmy’s passions was making mixed tapes. He would take the best and make it even better. On November 30, 2004 Jimmy completed his final masterpiece. The compilation CD is entitled “Immortal Spirit”.

How is that for knowing that the end was near? In hindsight we knew he knew that the end was near. He had fixed all his finances, he had arranged for the Neptune Society to deal with his body, but best of all he went on a HUGE shopping spree.

In the days after his death the boxes started arriving. Boxes filled with the beautiful items he lusted after in the glossy catalogs that came nearly every day. He bought all of the fine glass vases from the Smithsonian; he bought a fairy that looks remarkably like our Max; a stunning Lion statue for Pete, forever the Leo. Best of all he bought t-shirts for all of his friends. Pete asked that I come open the boxes and determine who is who and what is what. Included in the many boxes was one box from a Chef magazine, 2 mandolins, 2 sets of silicon spatulas and 2 strainers. All of the items we both coveted and I knew he had bought for me; I split them up between Lisa and myself.

We had a beautiful party a couple weeks later. I burned a few dozen copies of his last mix and made cd covers with a wonderful smiling Jimmy for us all to treasure. The weather was more than perfect, we gathered inside and out. We remembered and cried and reconnected. Of course we all promised to keep in touch. We all had good intentions I know we think of each other and the wonderful man we all shared, even if we don’t still talk today.

Over the last year Denise and I have created a great friendship, we have a special bond knowing that we were there comforting him and each other as he died. We both believe he was gone as soon as that morphine hit his blood stream.

I still managed to get all that needed to be done for the craft fair done. I’m sure the events of the day prior to the event put me in a whole different mindset for the fair, but my friend Rose was wonderful. She kept me laughing and kept things entertaining and gave me warm hugs.

A few weeks before he died he told me he got me a subscription to TIME. I always would page through TIME while visiting him discussing the current events and how we felt about the leaders of the world. I received my first issue the day after he died, I received my last yesterday.

I miss him and always will.